Understanding my diagnosis
All this information was news to me, and I had no prior understanding of the complexities of type 1 diabetes. I probably held some stigma about type 1 before I was diagnosed. I thought of diabetes as something that happened to older people or people who didn’t take care of themselves. Since my diagnosis, I’ve realised how common this misconception is, and I now make a conscious effort to correct it whenever I speak about my condition.
Like many others, I was confused about the difference between type 1 and type 2 diabetes. I felt ashamed of what I didn’t know and what I thought others might assume.
"It turns out I wasn’t alone in my thinking, and that many people living with diabetes have felt discriminated against or stigmatised, even sometimes in a healthcare setting."
After trying to learn everything about my condition the night before, Christmas Day arrived. It was a Christmas marked by anxiety, and I was constantly sneaking away to cry in private. Not because I had to inject insulin or because I was sick. But because I felt like my future had been stolen.
I’m grateful I had a great nurse who kept in contact with me during the day, but when she had to step away from work for personal reasons, I felt completely alone. I don’t blame her at all, or the NHS – we were going through a pandemic at the time. But the truth is, there was not enough structured mental health support. I think this is where improvements are paramount. The emotional impact of a diagnosis is huge.
Experiencing hypos
The emotional toll of my diagnosis was only exacerbated by the intense physical impact of diabetes. I still remember my first hypo, marked by dizziness, a pounding head, heightened senses, and an overwhelming urge to snap, often at my mum, which left me feeling guilty later.
Hypos are dreadful. They leave me shaky, weak, and anxious. I watch my blood sugar drop, then check obsessively, hoping it’ll rise, terrified it won’t. I’d read stories of people having seizures or blacking out during a hypo, which scared me far more than high blood sugar ever did. But hypers (high blood sugars) weren’t easy either. Though slower and less dramatic, they felt like wading through a fog, heavy, lingering, and exhausting, like the morning after a bad night out. Both extremes drained me in different ways, physically and mentally.
"Honestly, the months after my diagnosis were consumed by fear; it felt like everything I did carried some kind of risk."
I stayed at home, isolated by lockdown, and this new identity I didn’t understand yet. At the time, I was meant to be completing a primary education degree, but I couldn’t think beyond the next injection. I often spiralled by obsessively searching on the internet – this heightened anxiety is definitely something I feel is experienced by many people living with diabetes.
I was scared to fall asleep, worried about injecting the right amount of insulin and taking the correct amount of sugar whenever my levels crashed. Over time, the fear and exhaustion took a toll. Anxiety crept in, followed by depression. I was prescribed medication, but it barely touched the emotional weight I carried. Living with a condition like this every day was simply overwhelming.
Seeking support
"Looking back, I feel a little frustrated that I wasn’t signposted to support services like Diabetes UK for support, or online forums where other people living with diabetes shared their experiences. I would have found talking to others like me invaluable."
The NHS and much academic research rightly focus on stabilising blood sugars, training you in injections, diet and of course, amazing medical and technological interventions. But I felt I needed more support with grief, identity loss, and the fears that accompanied this condition.
I ended up returning to university, but I wasn’t okay. I partied excessively, ignored my blood sugars, and watched them climb into the 30s. I was self-destructing because I didn’t know how to live with this condition. I eventually dropped out and stopped trying.
And then I got my Freestyle Libre 2 sensor. It was life-changing. I could check my sugar levels with my phone. No more finger pricks, no more guessing. I started to sleep again, knowing the alarm would wake me if I was crashing overnight. It was the first sense of control I’d felt in months.
After a while, I then noticed the weight gain. From 9½ stone at diagnosis, to 12 stone five months later, I was heavier than I’d ever been. I felt like a stranger in my own body. I figured it must be the insulin, as I had read somewhere that it can cause weight gain. I became so self-conscious that I began to limit my insulin intake, for fear of gaining weight. Later, I learned that this behaviour, known as insulin omission, is worryingly common among young adults with type 1 diabetes, even though it’s extremely dangerous.
I soon realised that this was reckless and started researching the link between insulin and weight gain, something that had never been discussed during my diagnosis. I found forums and studies that validated what I was feeling. Slowly, that curiosity about the mind, identity, and coping began to grow. With that curiosity came an unexpected sense of clarity.
Having lived through a profound psychological upheaval, I became deeply fascinated by human behaviour, particularly how individuals respond to trauma. Type 1 diabetes, for all that it has taken from me, also gave me something I had previously lacked: direction.